Fear of Rejection

As humans we loathe rejection and try to avoid it at all costs. We break it off with a romantic partner if we fear the relationship is going down hill so we won’t be the one to feel rejected. We refuse to stretch ourselves and follow our dreams because, heaven forbid, what if we fail and end up feeling rejected? The fear of rejection can be paralyzing.

Question for you: What would it look like for you if you faced rejection head on? Would it mean auditioning for a choir? Trying to get a piloting licence? Asking a friend a favor? Telling a loved one how you really feel? Applying to a college? Training for a marathon? The things that may possibly end in a feeling of rejection are not coincidentally the very things that offer the greatest rewards.

A couple of examples: I am currently attempting to write and publish a book about Kindness. Potential to fail? Enormous. Possible reward? Sharing a message of kindness and compassion with the world. Last weekend I competed for the title of Mrs. Missouri. Chance of winning? One in thirteen. Possible Reward? Influence for God's Kingdom. See how that works?

Logically the fear of rejection comes from a self preserving natural instinct which dates back to our ancestors. The “survival mode” in us avoids unpleasant things. In that day and age you might choose to hunt a buffalo for dinner instead of a lion. Eating a buffalo was pleasant. Getting eaten by a lion, not so pleasant. Just one small example of how the habit to avoid unpleasant feelings has been reinforced throughout the ages. If you are like me, you no longer live In a cave and you probably hunt for your food in the Wal-Mart aisles. Some of the survival instincts we have are just no longer needed. Such is the case with the tendency to avoid rejection. While it still does not feel good, rejection can actually lead to the facilitation of self growth and personal autonomy. Further more, I’m convinced we cannot reach our full potential without taking risks and facing rejection.

I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you to go ahead. Become a foster parent. Apply for a new job. Write a letter to the president. Whatever it is that your heart has been desiring but your mind has been blocking, do it. In my book living a life of mediocrity is much more painful than the slight sting of rejection.