The Boy Code

I was reading last night in one of my Psychotherapy texts about "The Boy Code".
This is the idea that although men and women are unarguably genetically different, a lot of differences are also superimposed through cultural and social standards.

The boy code consists of four pillars men are taught growing up:
1. "No sissy stuff" -any qualities that might be associated with women are a big no no. ie. dependence.
2. "The big wheel" - establish power and status.
3. "Give em' hell" - always demonstrate bravado.
4. "The sturdy oak" -never show weakness.
(Kottler, 2008)



This boy code has caused many men to struggle with internal conflicts. On the one hand, they are taught that they must never show weakness or emotion, while on the other hand they are clearly human beings and all humans experience emotion while journeying through life.

I do not believe differences between men and women are only psychosocial. There are clearly differences from birth which can be demonstrated by watching a male toddler and a female toddler play together. All I am suggesting is that the gap is made even wider, and possibly unbridgeable, by societal "norms".

What would happen, men, if you dropped the social standards and stigmas about emotion? I believe any man fighting to suppress emotion would benefit quite intensely from just allowing himself to feel. Give it a try. I DARE YA....and you know,according to the boy code it is not ok to turn down a dare.