My Gray Hat

The term "cognitive dissonance" describes an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two differing view points simultaneously.

We hate cognitive dissonance. Give us a white hat or a black hat, but for goodness sakes, don't give us a gray one. Chances are you have probably been in a state of cognitive dissonance at one point or another. You both love and hate your spouse. You hate drinking but love being drunk. You want to be fit but you hate working out. I could go on with examples but the point is, you are feeling two different ways about something and these feelings are conflicting with what you think you should be feeling, dang it.

Being in a state of cognitive dissonance can cause all kinds of problems to one's psyche because it gives an individual a feeling of uneasiness and incongruency. How do we fix this feeling? Chances are we cannot get rid of all internal incongruencies because the nature of the human mind is too complex to think in all black terms or all white terms. What we can do is learn to be comfortable in our gray hats. Your gray hat has always been uncomfortable because of the fear of what others might think when they see you wearing it. Don't fret; once you begin to reframe your thinking you will find you are much more comfortable in gray hat land than you ever thought possible.

Pointless Pageants?

What on earth is the point of a beauty pageant? A bunch of women get together, spend tons of money just to take part in the pageant (not to mention wardrobe), and then parade around in front of judges trying to convince these judges that they deserve a crown based on the way they look. Sounds a little crazy. I can certainly see why some people think pageants are ridiculous.

Women are born with a desire to feel beautiful. Some women compete because they feel winning a beauty pageant will prove to themselves or to others that they are in fact, beautiful. Some compete because just participating builds up their self esteem.

Let me tell you why I compete. I do not need a crown or title to tell me I am beautiful. I know my heart is beautiful because I know my creator. I know He knit me together in my mother's womb and I am fearfully and wonderfully made. In short, I compete because there are millions of other women who need to know what true beauty is. The competition for me is simply a platform. I am competing for Mrs. Missouri this year in May. Winning the title of Mrs. Missouri is a long shot, but should I be so fortunate to win I will have the once in a lifetime chance to travel all over Missouri speaking to young girls about the importance of kindness and character. Could I do this without a title? Yes. Would anyone listen? Probably not. Worse case scenario, I don't win the title. I can guarantee throughout the competition I will be talking to a lot of my fellow competitors about true beauty. Encouraging just one woman to buck our culture's shallow view of beauty is enough motivation for me. Wish me luck!

The Secret to Happiness

I have discovered the secret to happiness. I am going to tell it to you and you don’t even have to buy a book or pay a fee! Are you excited? You should be excited. I’m actually going to tell you something that is concrete and not some vague philosophical mumbo jumbo. Are you ready? I don’t know. You don’t look very ready. Okay, okay...the secret to happiness is……


A KIND JAR



A kind jar is a jar full of slips of paper. Each piece of paper has a kind deed written on it. The owner of the kind jar must pull a slip of paper out each day and complete the kind deed written on the paper, thus completing one act of kindness a day. This is the secret to happiness. Simpler than you thought?

Obviously, it does not really have to be a jar. You can have a “kind box” or a “kind calendar” with a kind deed assigned to each day, or anything else you can think up. The point is to do one kind deed a day. The bottom line is that kindness leads to happiness. Kindness does for your heart what chocolate does for your butt; makes it bigger, of course. If you do not believe that this is the secret to happiness, I challenge you to try it for one month.

For ideas of different acts of kindness copy and paste this link into your browser:
http://campaignforkindbeauty.weebly.com/kind-ideas.html

The Boy Code

I was reading last night in one of my Psychotherapy texts about "The Boy Code".
This is the idea that although men and women are unarguably genetically different, a lot of differences are also superimposed through cultural and social standards.

The boy code consists of four pillars men are taught growing up:
1. "No sissy stuff" -any qualities that might be associated with women are a big no no. ie. dependence.
2. "The big wheel" - establish power and status.
3. "Give em' hell" - always demonstrate bravado.
4. "The sturdy oak" -never show weakness.
(Kottler, 2008)



This boy code has caused many men to struggle with internal conflicts. On the one hand, they are taught that they must never show weakness or emotion, while on the other hand they are clearly human beings and all humans experience emotion while journeying through life.

I do not believe differences between men and women are only psychosocial. There are clearly differences from birth which can be demonstrated by watching a male toddler and a female toddler play together. All I am suggesting is that the gap is made even wider, and possibly unbridgeable, by societal "norms".

What would happen, men, if you dropped the social standards and stigmas about emotion? I believe any man fighting to suppress emotion would benefit quite intensely from just allowing himself to feel. Give it a try. I DARE YA....and you know,according to the boy code it is not ok to turn down a dare.

In a Blog Fog

It's been a long time since I've blogged, but oh how I've missed it. There is something empowering about staring at a blank screen knowing your fingers can hit whatever letters they want to deliver whatever message you need. Rest assured I will be scanning my life for interesting moments and points of insight to share with you. I hope you come back and visit.

Thanks to confessionsofjenny.blogspot.com for bringing me back to the wonderful art of blogging.