How to Change your Daughter's Life

I have not posted from a psychological stance in a while and I have an excellent topic to share today. For those of us who have daughters, or are just around little girls frequently, this is an important message.

In our culture today the value of women is placed more on what we look like than on any other deciding factor. Appearance becomes the driving force for the behavior of many young and older women alike. Why do we care so much about how we look? Because our society tells us we are not valuable unless we are physically beautiful. Many men have even been socialized to desire a physically beautiful life partner over a partner who is perhaps kind, compassionate, responsible, or loving. This behavior of "beauty seeking" is so internalized for most of the population that it seems impossible to make a change; so what can we do about it?

Like throwing a pebble into an ocean, there are some small changes we can make that will have a huge impact not only on our daughters, but in the future of our culture as well. What we need to do as parents and role models is to start teaching little girls that their value does NOT depend on their physical attractiveness. When friends have a new baby girl, the thing we often say first of all is "Oh, she's beautiful!" Of course we say this, because this is how we communicate to our friends just how special their new little girl is. It continues on for most of us who have daughters. My husband and I have discussed recently how often we say things to Brooke like, "Hey pretty girl....Hi beautiful....You are just so gorgeous..." etc. It's easy to express our love in this manner, but it is also dangerous. If we continue to teach our little girl that she should identify herself only as "beautiful, pretty, and gorgeous", she begins to find her worth in those adjectives. Before we know it, we will have a fourteen year old girl whose world is shattered when she discovers that perhaps, the boy she liked at school has asked another girl to the dance. Suddenly, she is just not pretty enough anymore.

So how do we teach our innocent young minds to find worth beyond physical attributes? The answer is easier than we might think. The first step, if you are like my husband and I, is to pay attention to how many times a day you compliment your daughter's appearance. Then, as you begin to catch yourself telling your daughter about her looks, simply switch out how you are describing her. Begin using words and phrases such as "precious, unique, gifted, sweet, funny, and one of a kind" to express your love to your little princess. It is not that we should never tell our daughters they are beautiful; indeed women do desire to feel beautiful.Please, do tell your daughter how beautiful she is. Just make sure to balance it out with compliments on attributes that are more than physical. The important thing here is that little girls do not define their worth by their looks. They need to know they are valuable for many reasons, and not just because they have a pretty face.

Now go raise some confident women!

No Matter What

Life does not turn out for most of us exactly as we would have planned it. Honestly, I would have imagined some things differently with my own life, had it been my way. As Christians we know God's holy will for our lives is the absolute best, but that does not mean we do not struggle with grieving as we let go of the life we once planned for ourselves. I love the song "No Matter What" by Kerrie Roberts for so many reasons, not the least of which is that I identify on a very personal level. I hope you will too. I definitely suggest you listen to it and watch an amazing music video (click here) if you have a spare moment! Here are the beautifully raw lyrics.

Lyrics:

I’m running back to your promises one more time,
Lord that’s all I can hold on to.
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise,
but nothing surprises you.
Before a heartache can ever touch my life,
it has to go through your hands,
and even though I, I keep asking why, I keep asking why,

No matter what, I’m gonna love you,
no matter what I’m gonna need you,
I know that you can find a way to keep me from the pain
but if not, if not, I’ll trust you...no matter what, no matter what.

When I’m stuck in this nothing-ness by myself,
I’m just sitting in silence.
There’s no way I can make it without your help,
I wont even try it.
I know you have your reasons for everything,
so I will keep believing.
Whatever I might be feeling,
God you are my hope, and you'll be my strength.

Anything I don’t have you can give it to me,
but it’s ok if You don’t.
I’m not here for those things,
the touch of your love is enough on its own,
no matter what I still love you and I’m gonna need you.

Halloween Weekend

Saturday we did not get a single thing done we wanted to get done. Thomas planned to power wash the house, but we couldn't get the power washer to work. I planned to paint the living room, but I spilled a whole gallon of paint in the passenger seat of my car instead. (True story). Thomas was very silent as he was cleaning up my spill. I said, "Is the reason you are not yelling at me because things can be replaced and I cannot?" He smiled and said, "you're not getting a new car!" I am very lucky to have such a sweet husband who puts up with my messes. So, as fate would have it, Thomas spent the majority of the day Saturday cleaning paint out of my car and making fun of me. Sunday we did get to go a few fun places with Brooke, my sweet little lamb. Thanks to the Allen's for throwing such an awesome Halloween bash! Despite getting nothing done, it was a wonderful weekend, owed only to my amazing family and wonderful friends. I hope you all had a happy Halloween!

One Day, Two Ways

Version 1

Today was a typical Monday. I woke up and made the bed, changed a diaper, and made Brooke breakfast. There was hardly any food in the house except for some cookies Thomas brought home against my will and because I was starving, I ate them for breakfast and then felt guilty for eating such an unhealthy breakfast. I played with Brooke for a couple of hours until it was time for her nap. While she was napping I spent my time relaxing on the phone with an insurance agent so I could figure out which network our new policy is with. After half an hour the only information I gained was that I needed to call somewhere else because she didn't have the information I needed. While Brooke finished up her napping, I emailed a professor about an assignment I had done wrong and made a grocery list. Later in the afternoon we made our way to Dillon's and the lady at the deli counter gave me the wrong kind of turkey. I asked her about it and she informed me that the kind she had cut for me was better than the kind I had asked for, which in her opinion, was a bit rubbery. When I knew it was about 6pm I looked at the clock and saw in actuality that it was only 3pm. Lucky me, I still had time to make some bread, wash the sheets, clean the kitchen, and change several hundred more diapers! As I began to get my school things together I realized that I did not have class after all because of fall break, so Thomas and I went on an evening run instead. For 31 minutes it seemed there were thousands of rusty knives twisting through my ribs, then we were home. I finished off the night on the couch with about two hours worth of homework. Gotta love Mondays!


Version 2

I woke up to the cheerful sound of Brooke's morning voice "hi" in her crib, repeatedly, which is her new way of waking me up. She greeted me with a smile as I made her favorite breakfast, egg and cheese on toast. I had not gotten groceries on the weekend like usual but luckily there was one egg left for my pretty little lady! We played blocks and watched the morning news together. When she got tired, I read her a story and she went right to sleep. I called the insurance company to find out which network our new policy covers. I'm so excited that we finally have an insurance policy that will actually cover some of our health care costs! Did I mention how blessed we are to have health insurance? According to keithhennessy.com, 1 in 6 Americans do not have health insurance! I had time while Brooke was sleeping to read a devotional and spend some time thanking my heavenly father for yet another day, among many other things. When Brooke woke up it was grocery time. Did I mention we actually own a car that got us to the store to buy readily available groceries? Only 8% of the world population owns a car! (ecofuture.org) It was quite a productive afternoon. I was able to make bread for Brooke (homemade bread = less preservatives), wash our sheets and clean the kitchen. I was so excited when I remembered I did not have my usual three hour Monday night class due to fall break. Thomas and I took Brooke for a run when he got home from work and my legs carried me 3.1 miles! When we got back home I showered with FRESH, HOT water (only 62% of the world has access to sanitary water. water.org)and then kissed my baby girl good night. After a couple of hours reading some fascinating Psychology material, I logged on to be connected to the world all while sitting in my own home office. When I really think about it, I know I do not deserve all of the blessings I have, but God loves me enough to give them to me anyway. He is so good!


What kind of Monday did you have, version 1 or version 2? :)