When I was in my 20’s, I went through some things. We all go through things; this
life is full of hardship running parallel to beauty. At that time, I kept the
things to myself… which caused me to isolate and make some poor decisions. As
I’ve grown in my faith and understanding, I can see that keeping things to
ourselves isn’t the wisest idea. As tough as it is to share struggles, it is
the more victorious path. It is the path that allows us to proclaim our
humanity—to tear away any ideas of perfection others have about our lives, to
wear our vulnerability with honor, and to humbly ask those around us to cover
us in prayer—because we all hurt and we all have needs.
Please pray for our Selah. You can read about our struggle
with infertility and our hopes to have a child together in my previous post. In
May of this year, we discovered that after months and years of infertility, our
prayer had been answered and we were expecting! PRAISE GOD! The following
months were filled with joy and preparation. At 22 weeks, when we found out we
were having a precious girl, we also discovered she had a cystic right kidney
with little function and a cyst in her bladder. After visiting with a
specialist, we learned this is a condition called Multicystic Dysplastic
Kidney, or MCDK. Babies with this diagnosis can have a long road of medical
testing and possible surgeries ahead, but are able to live and even function
normally as long as they have one functioning kidney. We continued to be
monitored every couple of weeks by a specialist and, after many tears, made
peace with her diagnosis and gave lots of praises that her left kidney was
functioning so strong- she was even growing and in the 90th
percentile! We went back to celebrating and preparing for her birth. 
At 32 weeks, an ultrasound revealed that cysts had formed on
her left, healthy kidney, as well. The cysts on her right kidney were
continuing to grow and while she still measured in the 66th percentile,
her growth had slowed some. Bilateral MCDK is much more serious of a prognosis.
In fact, many couples whose babies have this diagnosis (especially paired with
low amniotic fluid) are advised to terminate their pregnancies and told that
their babies are “incompatible with life”—yes, even here in the US where we
have such advanced medical technology. Some babies with this diagnosis are
stillborn, some are born and live only a few hours, and still some are born and
fight through to live. We are thankful that our providers have not spoken words
of termination over our daughter; that is simply not an option for us.
Because her fluid levels are still good, but more so because we know who her
Heavenly Father is, there is hope for Selah. It has now been discussed that
perhaps I will need to take a steroid shot to develop her lungs and be induced
at 34 or 35 weeks (this would fall right around Christmas time) so that she can
be monitored more closely in the NICU. This is the text my incredible husband sent me after we received this news. I am thankful for blessings like Him.
You can imagine my heartbreak. I am a pregnant mama who has
carried this sweet baby for the last 8 months. My body has ached as it’s
stretched and grown. I have felt her wriggle and kick within my womb daily. I
have spoken to her countless times in quiet moments alone. I have prayed for
her to be healthy, spent nights awake with worry and fear, and ridden the
roller coaster of pregnancy without knowing the outcome. I will fight for this
little girl. I will choose JOY in the face of fear. I will choose to trust that
God is sovereign and that His plan, whatever it may be, is absolutely for my
good. I will trust that He is good. I will believe in miracles. I will believe
that she will be born and will beat all odds because of who God is.
And I will ask you to pray along with me for this little
baby. Throughout pregnancy I’ve had different worries —at first, those surface
worries such as would I gain too much weight? Would I have to have a C-section?
Would I be able to breastfeed? Would I
be able to handle labor? Would I be strong enough to handle the medical road
ahead? Would our finances hold up under all the medical bills? At this moment, none of those concerns mean
anything; they’ve strangely faded into the background. The only prayer on my
heart and lips is “Lord, let her live to praise you!”
As we approach Christmas day, maybe some of you are going
through things, too. Maybe you’ve lost someone this year, are battling a scary
health diagnosis for yourself or a loved one, or are crushed under the weight
of debt or depression. Whatever your things
are this Christmas season, I also pray that you will join me in finding joy in
the midst of our heartache. We have a very real Savior who warned us that we
would have trouble in this life, but he also gently reminds us to take heart,
for HE has already OVERCOME the world. -John 16:33
Thank you for praying with us during this Christmas season of miracles.
