A Strong Marriage

Marriage is not something that is easy to write about...especially considering the fact that I failed at it. Many of us have failed at it. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association (www.apa.org), divorce rates are now well above 50%. We could spend hours deliberating over what has gone wrong. Indeed, I have. But today I want to focus on one case study; what went right.

Evelyn and Everette Tackett met when he was 25 and she was 21. She remembers the first time she saw him. She was walking on the side walk and he drove by. He later pointed her out and told his sister "that's the woman I'm going to marry." Marry her he did. The two soon added to their family and eventually found themselves smack dab in the middle of life-- working, balancing a household, and raising three striking (but feisty) brunette girls.

I recently visited Evelyn, my 89 year-old grandmother. Having had some rough relationships in the past, I wanted to spend the time soaking up her wisdom so as not to repeat my own mistakes. She spoke candidly about her life and had this to say on marriage: 

"Do things together. Your grandpa liked to be social and I didn't so much, but I wanted to be with him. I think it's important to do things together. Love each other when you're fighting. He was awful patient with me. Sometimes we would get to arguing and he would leave, go to the store, and come back with a pretty for me, you know, a jewelry or bracelet or something nice. He always kept me laughing.  He held my hand a lot and I liked that. It made me feel like he was proud to be with me, you know? Sometimes I still feel his hand on my right hand" she paused "-- it's either his hand, or God's hand, I suppose."

My grandfather passed away nearly five years ago. They were two months shy of celebrating their 64th wedding anniversary. My grandma's eyes-- eyes that have seen more than I dare to imagine-- light up with love when she talks about the life they shared together. "Oh yes, we had bad times. But we loved each other."  After speaking for hours with my grandmother, I came to a conclusion. My grandparents' marriage made it because of LOVE. 

Lest it seems I'm backing "All You Need Is Love" circa John Lennon, 1967...I'm not.  At least, not our culturally defined, dopamine-seeking, self-motivated kind of love. No no. I'm stating that love holds a marriage together only if it's the real, biblical kind. 

Love God and love each other, for love covers a multitude of sin. It's patient, kind, slow to anger, and keeps no record of wrongs. It doesn't envy or boast. It's not proud. It's not self-seeking. It delights in the truth. It always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres. There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for another. Now, faith, hope and love remain... but the greatest of these is love.

(Mark 12:30-31, 1 Peter 4:8, John 15:13, 1 Corinthians 13:4-13)

What God said to me this morning

This morning, while Brooke watched Frozen clips on Youtube, I journaled "Jesus, be real to me." I continued to tell Him about all that I want in this life. I finished my written prayer and shut my journal. However, I felt prompted to open it back up and add one more thing-- "But what do you want?" In all my  prayers I had gotten caught up in MY plans for me and forgotten to ask about HIS plans for me.

I closed my journal again and then went to get my devotional for the day. Upon flipping open my devotional to today's date, I found His answer loud and clear. Ask and we shall receive.

PS. In the ancient languages, there was no equivalent for the English word "coincidence". 

Orange Leaf & God the Father

Today is June 1^st and I cannot seem to enter this month without thinking about one thing. Father’s Day. Two years ago this month I met my dad at Orange Leaf for our annual Father’s Day fro-yo.  He was late that day, which was not out of the ordinary for Mr. “Stallin' ” Gaulin. He was late, but the reason he was late is what had me concerned. While we were waiting for him, he called me to ask how to get to Orange Leaf. “Dad, are you feeling okay? Orange Leaf. The same Orange Leaf we meet at about once a month.” But he was lost. Lost driving around in Springfield—a town he had lived in for decades. He told me the roads looked different.  When he arrived, he was not his jovial, quirky, folk-musician self. He was impatient and couldn’t get comfortable in his chair. He squirmed and huffed. He didn’t even finish his ice-cream. In 26 years as his daughter, I had never witnessed unfinished ice-cream. I called my sister later that day to tell her I was worried about dad.

A month later my sister and I sat next to our dad in the hospital. We were both in a state of utter shock and confusion. Cancer. Stage four. Located in the femur, lungs, back-bone and brain (thus the reason for the confusion). The diagnosis seemed to pool right at the front of my mind;  my brain refused to process this news. They gave him a couple of months. He made it three weeks.

When death gets close and personal, there’s no denying mortality. The weeks and months that followed were a blur. Time sped up and slowed down all at the same time. There were no tears, only hours spent staring into blank space. I wrote a poem. I went for a walk. I tried to call his cell phone number to see what would happen. No answer. This August  will mark two years and his phone number is still in my cell phone. Grief is a funny thing the way it comes in waves. I can tell you that missing someone never does go away.

Although my dad is no longer on this earth to celebrate Father’s Day, June reminds me that I celebrate because of the heavenly Father I belong to. God is a father to the fatherless-- an ever present comforter in times of need. I celebrate because losing a parent solidified in my life that God’s promises are true. Come hell or high water, He is with us. I used to be afraid of death but I’m no longer afraid. I’ve met it face to face; I've smelled it and stared it right in the ugly eyes.  Hello there, death. I don't know how to tell you this, but I have a Savior that conquered you.  I know His promises are real. 

John 16:33: “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

Facebook, you stole my life...

I spent the month of February cleaning out proverbial closets. I fasted sugar. I gave up caffeine. I stayed off facebook. I didn't watch TV. Okay, that last one is normal for me. What freed up a large chunk of time was actually the facebook fast. I didn't realize how many times I sit down to veg out for a minute only to end up scrolling endlessly through a news feed that I (annoyingly) can never seem to get to the bottom of.  What did I do instead last month? Let's count down...

10. Read the book "Clean" and began a detox journey. This book talks about the toxins in our world and how to help our body "reset" by using foods in a natural state. Our bodies truly are so stunningly complex.  Highly, highly, highly recommend it.

9. Made my first acupuncture appointment. Yes, I'm scared of needles.

8. Attended the regional NACADA conference and learned a TON! Plus, there was a hot tub and awesome company.

7. Got my own therapist. The rumors are true, folks; sometimes counselors need therapy too.

6. Found and memorized the verse I plan to recite all year long:

Isaiah 61:1-4
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.

5. Got up on a ladder and fixed my garage door opener. *brushes shoulder off*

4. Studied Psychologist William Glasser's Choice Theory and decided my future should include a house in the country and lots of laughter with Brooke. Maybe a country boy too. And definitely lots of high heels. And a PhD.  And most of all, lots of Jesus. 

3. Found a new favorite restaurant, Cafe Cusco. Mediterranean & Moroccan cuisine, amazing eclectic decor, and lots of orange and turquoise. I'm considering moving in. 

2. Went to an art exhibit displaying work by Edward Deeds-- a man who completed all his work while committed to a mental institution in Neosho, Missouri. Amazing art work and amazingly thought provoking. Thanks, Ms. Jacquie Atkins from Art Inspired!

1. Spent time cuddling, laughing, praying, reading, and coloring with this ray of sunshine...

If you're considering a break from facebook, I must say it's well worth it. Happy self-discovery and may your journey bring you ever closer to the One who created it all!

It's not an accident

It is true that God works in mysterious ways.

A conversation with a dear friend (who seems to be more like a sage) left us recently discussing how in classical, ancient languages, there is actually no equivalent for the English word “coincidence”. No, the path we’re on is never a coincidence. Even after yet another set of very hard, personal life circumstances, I believe this now more than ever.  When we make impulsive, un-thought out decisions, God is right there to catch us. When consequences of our mistakes should be nothing less than death, He covers us with protection and comfort. He saves us from ourselves repeatedly and tenderly draws us right back into His arms. No, I’ll never fully understand the mystery of our Savior, but I plan to spend my life trying.

I recently watched The Count of Monte Christo with another good friend. There are two lines in this movie that have etched into my mind. Without giving away the movie (if you haven’t seen this movie, it’s a must), there is a character in the movie who believes in God and then, in a series of extremely tragic circumstances, loses his faith. At one point, Edmund- the character who has lost all hope- is speaking with a priest. He tells the priest firmly that he does not believe in God, to which the priest replies “It matters not…He believes in you”.  At another point in the movie, Edmund is declaring his unbelief once more to the woman he once loved. She replies with a bold statement “Can’t you see that God is in everything…even a kiss”… (and yes, then they kiss in that way that makes you want to sail off to Italy and run through a hillside of daisies).

There is one thing I know to be true; God is in everything. And He always finds us, even when we run. When we’re lost and caught up with busy minds, caffeinated nervous systems, and mile long to-do lists, He breaks through.  When we’re weighted down with past failures and wounded spirits, He cuts in and binds our broken, human hearts.  When we wonder if it’s really Him who has come to save us, we need only to quiet our racing thoughts long enough to feel His silent peace. It’s Him.  It’s always been Him.