In our culture today the value of women is placed more on what we look like than on any other deciding factor. Appearance becomes the driving force for the behavior of many young and older women alike. Why do we care so much about how we look? Because our society tells us we are not valuable unless we are physically beautiful. Many men have even been socialized to desire a physically beautiful life partner over a partner who is perhaps kind, compassionate, responsible, or loving. This behavior of "beauty seeking" is so internalized for most of the population that it seems impossible to make a change; so what can we do about it?
Like throwing a pebble into an ocean, there are some small changes we can make that will have a huge impact not only on our daughters, but in the future of our culture as well. What we need to do as parents and role models is to start teaching little girls that their value does NOT depend on their physical attractiveness. When friends have a new baby girl, the thing we often say first of all is "Oh, she's beautiful!" Of course we say this, because this is how we communicate to our friends just how special their new little girl is. It continues on for most of us who have daughters. My husband and I have discussed recently how often we say things to Brooke like, "Hey pretty girl....Hi beautiful....You are just so gorgeous..." etc. It's easy to express our love in this manner, but it is also dangerous. If we continue to teach our little girl that she should identify herself only as "beautiful, pretty, and gorgeous", she begins to find her worth in those adjectives. Before we know it, we will have a fourteen year old girl whose world is shattered when she discovers that perhaps, the boy she liked at school has asked another girl to the dance. Suddenly, she is just not pretty enough anymore.
So how do we teach our innocent young minds to find worth beyond physical attributes? The answer is easier than we might think. The first step, if you are like my husband and I, is to pay attention to how many times a day you compliment your daughter's appearance. Then, as you begin to catch yourself telling your daughter about her looks, simply switch out how you are describing her. Begin using words and phrases such as "precious, unique, gifted, sweet, funny, and one of a kind" to express your love to your little princess. It is not that we should never tell our daughters they are beautiful; indeed women do desire to feel beautiful.Please, do tell your daughter how beautiful she is. Just make sure to balance it out with compliments on attributes that are more than physical. The important thing here is that little girls do not define their worth by their looks. They need to know they are valuable for many reasons, and not just because they have a pretty face.
Now go raise some confident women!
